believe

one man down

2008-06-07T09:20:00.000-07:00

one man down. 0022hrs.... Rest in peace... My heart is totally dead.
Speak no more.

Making a choice in life.

2008-05-19T06:45:00.001-07:00

Making a choice in life is hard. You wont know which choice is the right one.. It is not as simple as just a coin whereby there is only two side(right/wrong).
Sometime, the choice you made seems to be right at that point of time. However, when it comes to the important junction. It seems like it is a wrong choice.
No matter wat choice you made. Make sure it is your own choice.
Even if you regret it. You wont feel so bad.

Human mind hard to read

2008-03-30T07:35:00.000-07:00

Human mind are hard to read.... We wont know what they are thinking most of the time. it is not that i dont want to trust people... But, everytime i trust them. They disappoint me.

Well, I will choose notto trust anyone now. Even my best friends.

access denied.

2008-03-03T08:04:00.000-08:00

I have tried all things...
facebook, msn, yahoo...
But, denied.

birthday..

2008-02-24T04:52:00.001-08:00

it is my birthday and i am not surprise that she didnt come..

Well, so far so gd.. I have a great birthday yesterday with my favourite present a creative zen and a shirt by wanlin mei mei.. Hmm.. nice shirt.. But, too tight.. Wear liao like too sexy.. haha

Thanks everyone.. Cheers..

i did my best

2008-02-14T05:32:00.001-08:00

I did my best already.. She still reject my invitation for my birthday dinner.. sad inside..

close...

CNY

2008-02-07T08:10:00.000-08:00

Yeh.. .Today is chinese new year.... hmm.. but, i wonder how come i se it as a normal rest day. Unlike in the past which i will be very happy early in the morning.
But, this year.. I wake up and dont feel anything special.. Am i losing all my feelings and thought? Or may i just too tired.

My birthday also coming.. I keep asking that iris if she is free.. then no reply... hai.. look like i have to rise my golden finger to call her up liao. haha.

Anyway, i hope that Xuen will come for my birthday dinner. It is just a dinner.. nothing much.. But, if she feel awkard just like wat michele said... I guess i have to understand it..

Well, wish mee all the best bah. :) Cheers... Jia you..... Faint..... Cya.

Tired day before chinese new year.

2008-02-03T06:18:00.000-08:00

DAMN FUCK UP..

1st... IT manager said that he will come on Monring... COME SHIT.. I didnt even see his shadow..

2nd... IT Service engineer.... Senior didnt even explain clearly to me wat is going on.. How is it beening connecting one.. Fuck it lah. He think i got lots of experience? If i have, i wont work under him liao.. I will fucking Scolding him liao..

3th.... Fucking Company.. Dont expect me to work hard for you when i am getting only a bloody pay and you are making millions of dollars there... You can come back on weekends as you earn a million. But, dont expect me to come back when i am making only a few thousands per month.

I saw her.. Strange feelings.

2008-01-24T05:40:00.000-08:00

This morning i saw her. I saw her waiting for the bus to pick her up for work.. I was crossing the traffic light and i saw her... She has changed.. .But, she is still as beautiful as before.

I look at her and a strange feeling came... She was looking at my direction. She was stunt. Maybe she didnt expect to see me...

I miss her so much..

But, i saw wat i wished for... Wat is the different? Nothing has changed.
But, i still thanks god for letting me see her for this one time.
I am actually glad that she is getting happier.

Another day.

2008-01-23T05:29:00.000-08:00

Hmm.. It is my second week in the company. Time passed fast...
I dont know why i have the feeling of like doing the same thing in tripower... Although i didnt know those end user well, but, i feel that i am close to them. Have those kind of feeling.

The HR admin very funny today. As i was walking out of the office, i saw this HR Admin at the other room.I just smile at her and she smile back I see her hand wanted to wave at me. Maybe it is beacuse she was thinking if i will wave back to her or not. so, she just put down her hand in an unnatural way. HAHA. Me too.

Maybe it is because she and i also pai seh.. in front of so many people.

New armour. New war.

2008-01-18T04:59:00.001-08:00

Hmm.. this is my first week in the new company. Everything was so strict and everything was on culture.

Hmm... when i was doing documenting of the computers location and the computers name and the service tag numbers. The HR ladies very cute. Said.. "Wow.. Ah Neo bully you.. he didnt before liao mah. how come still ask you to do one more time.."
My ans: "Never mind lah.. "

One HR girl caught my eyes... She looks like Xuen.. The face was the same with the same spec.. The hair was clip in the same way as she did.. But, once she speak i know she is not. Xuen wont speak to me..
I was stunt for a few second. I could not speak a word... I tall myself that i wont go to HR dept.

A lot of things to learn and do. My colleague are all i guess married and some kind of big man. Only i am a small boy there.
Anyway, they were too busy to talk to me or to help me or teach me. I have to learn everything by myself. I am too stress.

Hope that thing will turn out fine.

mixed feeling.

2007-12-17T14:03:00.000-08:00

I have just tendered my letter and will be moving to a new company soon.

crazy

2007-12-06T07:01:00.000-08:00

Yawn.. I am going crazy soon liao.. nag by director, by senior engineer, by bank IT guy......... help me man.

How to do things... All things keep coming and now like mountain liao... i am going to die at this rate liao..

changed weather.

2007-11-24T06:18:00.000-08:00

Bad day today. Have to get up at 4.15am from bed to work. hai..Saturday... OMG. The worse is that on the day before, we got home at 11pm from work. I slept less then three hours. I am very tired.
Drill failed today. I am so stress and sad.

Happy birthday Xuen.. Although you might not want me as a friend anymore. But, I still do remember your birthday. Wanted to send you something. But, took that idea off on the last minute. I think you are glad for that and will agree with me right?

I seriously dont know why things turn out this way. If i even have the chance again, I really want to know wat i did wrong. Or piss you off that you dont even want to be friend. I dont blame you. It is your choice.

But, dont you find that you just left me wondering on my own of wat i did wrong is cruel? Please... deep down inside me, I really hope that you can give me just a chance to know wat was going on.

Happy birthday and all the best. Stay happy.

i cannot buy present.

2007-11-19T18:22:00.000-08:00

I think it is better not to buy any birthday present for xuen already.

I guess it will make things worse.

All i can do it to wish her happy birthday.

And wish her well.

MCSA

2007-10-29T06:15:00.000-07:00

Finally i got my mcsa, i have completed my last module and now going to mcse the next level. Life event is never ending. When can my wish come true?

I am an ASSHOLE.

2007-10-18T06:59:00.001-07:00

I know. I must have been an asshole that this why she doesnt want to contact with me anymore. WAT THE FUCKING HELL IS THIS HAPPENING....

WAT WRONG THAT COULD BE SO WRONG HAVE I DONE...

WAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS...

FUCKING HELL. FUCKING BASTERD...

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I must be dreaming.

2007-10-15T05:19:00.001-07:00

Ok. Forget it. It has passed....
Even if i cant let go, there is nothing i can do.

A chance of luck

2007-10-15T05:13:00.000-07:00

I saw her today as i walk past... Just said a hi and nothing much. She looks like she is in some kind of shock when i say hi to her.
I guess she maybe just hope that she didnt see me i guess....
I just cant let go of her. I really like her a lot.

slow life.

2007-10-10T05:47:00.000-07:00

how to carry on with all these incoming stuff. I cannot take it anymore. can someone please teach me how to handle all these?

Things are getting fuck up. How come?

I am beginning to feel very restless and sometime, i just sit there and stare in blank. I really feel very tired. I want to rest. I want to stop. I want to throw every of the work and document off my table. Give me back my life.

GO GO GO!!!!!

2007-10-06T07:11:00.000-07:00

ALRIGHT. I CANT FORGET YOU... GET LOSE....... I LOST......

nothing at all.

2007-09-19T00:14:00.000-07:00

hai. this week damn busy. those sucker want to do their testing at midnight. sian.. they dont need sleep meh. next week also have. hai.
gd luck.

Sorry Joanne

2007-08-30T05:09:00.000-07:00

Sorry Joanne,
I know that i might have made you angry for not joining your company.

I know that your company has great future. The bonus is fat. It is even richer then the company i am working now.

But, please try to understand that I want to learn things in the datacenter. It is not easy to get into a big datacenter.

If now i go to your company, I will learn nothing much as it will be the same job scope as Tripower.

Hope you understand Joanne....

Wow... Baby.. That is cute.

2007-08-26T04:05:00.000-07:00

Today just went to my cousin place to visit his new borned baby... It is so cute. His big eye looking at me and i took some pic of him. Hmm. He must be thinking... "Asshole i dont want to have my pic taken. Take that camera away. " haha

This week was a hard week man. So many problem. Endless work and trouble...

Well, hope that it be a better coming week for me.

Cheers...

one month in the company

2007-07-28T22:05:00.000-07:00

Well, time passes fast... It is just like everything happen yesterday.
Sometime things happen so fast that i didnt even know what i did.
The new company staff is still quite ok. But, seems like there are a lot of dark secret among the staff.. Hmm.. I was getting quite well with some of the staff over there. We can joke around.. And one of them even offer me her medicine when i am having a cold. So sweet and nice of her.
Whereby for Xuen, i cannot even contact her. Sometime i am wondering wat am i holding on..

I dont think i will contact her again... To make myself stop.

Fever today

2007-07-25T05:15:00.000-07:00

hai... More things to do now liao.
Sian.. Fever now. I wonder if i can take all the work tml.
Dont wish to write much now. Nothing to write anyway.

Lost my card.

2007-07-15T06:14:00.000-07:00

Hai.. I lost my debit card and my ATM card. Luckly that person didnt managed to transfer my money. I have cancelled them and too bad the password is not the same as my IC no.
Well, at least he mail back my IC which i am gald abt it.
I have also cancelled my Visa card and change it to mastercard. Cause i cannot use mastercard to buy things online. So, it is more secure.

Well, this week, i have call Xuen and sms her. But, no reply.
Actually, i called her when i made a police report. Cause i really want to talk to her. I needed someone to talk to.
But, she didnt pick up. And she didnt even reply. Of course, i feel bad inside.

Anyway, i was the one who made it a mess. And yesterday i went out with my MP friends. And that told me to forget abt it as it is a sign for me not to contact her anymore.

Getting on.

2007-07-07T09:05:00.000-07:00

Well, it is sat again. So fast. Another week liao.. I was at this new company for one week. I really miss the old days at tripower. with all the laughter and everything.

I guess i will get use to it. I have to move on anyway. It is a part and parcel of life.

But, the only person i cannot let go is Enen. These days, i have been thinking. Did i really woo her just because joanne said?

I can say that half is right. But, if i got no feeling for her, wat for i try to go after her.
I like her not because of wat joanne said. Of course who want to let a gd girl slip pass your hand.
I will try to understand her more. And i hope that she will give me this chance.

I felt stressful at my new company at first. And i really look forward to call her on friday. Which i planned before i left tripower.
True enough, after i called her. I feel relax. :)

And i feel that i can chat normal with her. Although got some of the pause in-between. I think it will improve with time pass by. I hope so.

New week. New job.

2007-07-04T09:13:00.000-07:00

Started a new week at a new work place. Kind of miss tripower... I miss iris for always there to quarrel with me.... Talk back to me... And the slack at tripower...

Now, at my new workplace, i got two positions. One is CIS support and the other one is the Network Administrator. Sian. I wonder if i can take it. I even go and ask my direct supervisor that when am i doing the CIS job until?

He ans: "You are the one"
Hai... I die liao.. During the interview, they didnt tell me this. Damn it. Being tricked.

a starting day

2007-06-20T05:18:00.000-07:00

It is quite a gd day today for me... In the afternoon, i drive David out to jurong east and from there, i went to meet sally for lunch. After that, i brought a jacket... a nice one... Sally choose for me.

So, i didnt want people to know that i went shopping a bit. So, i just throw away the plastic bag and wear it. haha..

I dont think anyone take note of it. Even Alice, enen they all also never take note of it.
Haha.

But, it is quite a tough day for poor Enen.
When i was going out, she is still there while all colleagues went for lunch. So, i ask her and she said that she is waiting for customer. I asked if she needs me to buy something for me and she said that she will buy herself later. I felt a bit pain in my heart. Cause she has not had her lunch and she is all alone. No more Mei yan to company her.

Of course, i didnt buy anything for her. Although i would very much wanted to buy something for her. But, i am afraid that she will feel likewise.

But, i am glad that she had her lunch when i came back. It is just another day.
Well, the day has ended. And a brand new one is starting.

Hope that tml will be a better one.

Friendster got a reply from her.

2007-06-18T23:23:00.000-07:00

Ok. I got a reply from her on friendster. Hinting that she already know i have a crash on her...
Hmm... the content was quite true for me..
But, i will change for the better. And i really will.

My wish for this year will wbe to get to know her better and hope that she wants to get to know what kind of person i am...

Heh... I only see some girls then will drool wat... Not all girls that walk past me. :)

Busy day.

2007-06-18T07:13:00.000-07:00

Hmm... today was so busy.. Busy until i dont even have the time to use my notebook which i brought it there to do my work.

But so, it is off work time, i went with iris to look for my dad type writer... haha. the shop sale person thought that i am so old fashion. Still use type writer...

After that we went to pizza hut to have dinner... Sian... during dinner, she told me that during the angie daughter wedding, i was drunk in the cab. I was talking nonsense abt wat i want enen and wat enen like thomas more. Hai.. To think that i can be drunk.

well, time passed very fast. next week i will be my last day of working in tripower liao...

All the best to me. Jia You.

sian sian sian x1000000

2007-06-16T23:49:00.000-07:00

Sian... damn yuki. . Anyhow write in my friendster.. write wat me and ah en got private space liao... then say wrong.. it is thomas and ah en... Hahaha.. Damn funny girl...

It is like quite funny...

In the company, i dont like it... Change PA liao.. .Everything changed... Yawn... Luckily i am leaving.

Hmm... dont know whether can early release or not.

To my god mama.

2007-06-12T08:24:00.000-07:00

Ok.... finally i got it.... I was chatting with Alex on the car... it was a fruitful one...

Cause he is the one that really make me understand wat i do wrong... He explain until very well. He even gave me an example between him and his wife in the past. (Which he said that the same thing happen to him and his wife. And they were colleague.) Of course i didnt tell him that it was enen... I told him that it is my army friend friend.

Hahaha. I am such a lousy asshole... I dont even have the basic of thinking for that person. All i think it only think abt myself and to get that girl.

I didnt even get to know enen or even let her get to know me better. What the hell i am doing... I am just too hurry and direct. All girls will run away. I think even esther will feel the same way too in the past.

Well, i know that enen sure have a bad impression of me. OF course people will choose thomas instead of me.. If i am enen i will also choose thomas.

What to do... I have done wat i am not suppose to do.. Too late. NO wonder there is one phase saying that once word is said out, it can't be taken back.

I suppose we can just be friend. Although i know that the chance of letting her forget the bad impression is almost 0... What can i do? I really deserve it...

God mama. i know that you must be wondering if "I really get it?" Beacause i always said that i get it. But, actually i dont.. I just dont want you to get angry... But, i really get it now... Really.
I am so hopeless liao and you still there helping me. Thank you god mama. I will always remember you.

All the best in your company. Hope that you wont get to meet a person like me... So stupid one.

And last of all, Sorry abt the msn thing... I should not feel that way either. hai... I am really stupid.

Ok. Sorry.

2007-06-11T05:08:00.000-07:00

Ok I am so sorry. I think i must have scared you...

I do thing in a rush. But, I really mean to ask iris to come along. Sorry. I didnt say her name in the first place..

Sorry.

ok. i got the ans.

2007-06-10T20:15:00.001-07:00

Ok. i got the ans now. she is not going out on sat liao.

MSN

2007-06-10T06:41:00.000-07:00

I was on the msn... Offline status.. And i saw her online...

I know. i got bluff again....

She said that she will get home late.. I sms it is ok... Sms me when she got home and give me a sms and i call her back.. But, right now she is in msn. And no sms from her.. :(

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Gd thing never last for me.

2007-06-09T22:56:00.000-07:00

Well, last night was the gm daughter wedding and we went to the dinner and were happy abt it... Hmm... I took pic with enen... And i think i must be drunk.. I dare to say that i want to take pic with her... Haha

But, well, just like wat iris said... I also think that she will perfer thomas then me...

That is why my tittle today is gd thing never last for me.

I have tender my letter

2007-06-02T09:47:00.001-07:00

Hai.. I have tender my letter to my superior...

I dont know if i am making a right choice as i am studying now. But, i really dont want to remain in the company whereby the company is turning into a family company. Sian.. I dont want this.

Well, this afternoon, i was helping enen to see if there is any available child care job for her or not. This little young girl over here love children.. She is the first girl that i have known so far to love kids so much...

Since i didnt go out today. i may as well find those job for her... I have already found a few for her. I tried to see if the location is too far for her.. You know. Child care center pay wont be that high. So, i will help her to get the nearest one..

I love you. :)

Mummy is right.

2007-05-28T08:28:00.000-07:00

Hmm... come to think of it... Mummy is right abt me... I dont even know enen well enough. wat make me think that she is the one for me. Even my big sis Sally said that enen will never like me one from the day when she said that she got someone she has in mind liao.. and that person is not me. it is her classmate.

Well, i just feel comfortable when i am with her... Hmm.. she love kid.. I think that she is a gd girl... And i also like kids. :D

Well, concentrate on my work bah... There are more work to come... Let get full battle order and move ahead... step by step...

Every footprint is a past. And the light shinning in front is my future..

I wonder wat will i be.

Tired

2007-05-25T02:29:00.000-07:00

Dont know why i feel very tired recently...

It seems like there is a lot of things running inside my mind...
Sometime, i really dont know wat i am thinking.

Wat do i really want in life?

Wat do i really want now?

What do i want in the future?

How come i feel that my life is just like i am a little boat on a vast ocean... There seems to be no border. No end.

Iris is sick liao.

2007-05-20T05:50:00.000-07:00

Oh no... Iris is sick liao... hai.. must have play too much game liao is it and never sleep...

Never mind abt my PO lah. I can just drive out and get the notebook on the spot..

Anyway, hope that it will be a new and gd weekend. :)

What a week!!!

2007-05-19T07:30:00.001-07:00

What a week man.
Quarrel with the marketing manager ba ba ba...
But, after that we are still friend friend liao after the GM step in...

This is really not a gd week man....

On friday, i went out with iris and enen.... Hmm quite a nice one... We had ice-cream.. and walk around.... But, alas.... I found out that she has someone she like in mind liao... And i saw it in friendster. Well, quite gd looking.. and she said that in the past, that guy also like her... :(

Anyway, i think i just let natural take it course bah.... I dont think i will stand a chance...
It is not that i give up easily. But, i really dont want a second esther encounter... Just think abt it.. I treat esther better then i treat myself... In the end?

I dont know.... Well, but, enen is really a nice girl.. she deserve a nice guy better then me of course... :)

Another one.

2007-05-14T00:55:00.000-07:00

My god mama is going to leave the company soon. Tml she is going to tender the letter... Hai..
Left only me. I am still not sure if i will get the job in GIS... I just hope that i can get away from here now.

O yes, Baby called me just now.... She has reach Singapore... two weeks later she will be having her japanese exam. Wish her gd luck man. :)

Although she called me, i dont know why i didnt feel excited like in the past.. Is it because my god mama going to leave liao?

Another news. Esther got a bf now, she didnt tell me. Her friend said it..
But, i feel nothing... really.. I dont know why. Have i turned into human with no feelings?
Anyway, I wish her well Esther...

Sick again...

2007-05-10T20:32:00.000-07:00

Sian... yeterday after work went to see doctor and end up gto high fever 38.4. Hai.. why i so unluckily one... Sian..

The doctor got give me MC. But, i still come to work lah.. I asked Enen for lunch already.. Not gd to fly her plane..

Hope that today friday is a gd day... Yes...

Day after day

2007-05-09T22:05:00.000-07:00

Baby... You didnt pick up my call... I know it is expensive lah.. But, can just pick up for a few minutes? Hai... Or i pay the bill lah...

It is Thurs liao and you are still not back yet..

When are you coming back?

Iris is going to take over Jane seat. Haha. Iris worry like crazy...

Today Iris is on MC and onlky left me and WL. Sian... Very bored..

Fever

2007-05-06T06:33:00.000-07:00

Sian...

Got fever on Saturday night... During the afternoon, i was feeling a bit unwell, but, alas after i got home at night, the fever got higher..

Feeling like taking MC. But, Mon still got school.

Hai.. .Sian. Sian..

So tired.

2007-05-04T23:38:00.000-07:00

So tired today... laste night, i slept at 8pm until 11am this morning...
yet now, i still feel tired and a bit of pain. I am wondering if i am having a fever soon. As i am feeling a bit hot now..

It is Sat today... Next week is coming soon and i hope that i can see baby soon.

Your gift is still with me. :)

Mistake....

2007-05-03T08:38:00.000-07:00

Hai.. today i think i must be busy until blur liao...

That new staff intro herself to me.. then i just shake her hand and say "hello" then i totally forgot to tell her my name.. So, she was like standing there and she paused for a second and asked me. "what is your name"

Oh dear.. i realised that i didnt intro myself.

that was only the first...

Second thing... I got in the bus first.. then she came to sit beside me.. Then i told her that this seat will fall off very easily... So, i asked her if she want to sit inside (Exchange the seat with me) then she thought that i told her to sit behind....

hai... Oh dear.. wat a bad impression i must have given her..

Well, i dont mean anything... Sometime, it doesnt pay to be kind..

Hope that tml will be a gd day...

Hmm.... after baby sms me that day, i feel so much better...

:) Cheer

Gd Nitez

2007-05-02T07:44:00.000-07:00

Ok.. I just finish sms with her. She is on the way home now... At her 10.29pm sms, the coach is on the way to JB now..

hai... I really dont know to laugh or not to laugh...

I sms her "Opps... I forgot... Click (Switch off the light)

then she replied... "The bus driver switch off one. Not her"

Then I replied "I feel so cold suddenly.........."

Then he replied "Wear jacket."

Argh.... I really dont not whether to laugh or not.. She is too cute mah..

Alright.. Gd nitez to her.. Sleep tight. :)

Baby SMS ME!!!

2007-05-02T05:46:00.000-07:00

Yes yes yes....

Baby sms me this morning... I am so happy man... I was so happy until i didnt reply the message. Instead, i just call her directly.. I am lost for word.. It seems like she has been away for years man... OMG.

But, hai... I wanted to give her the horse that glow in the dark. but, i didnt bring it with me today which i always bring it with me since sat when i brought the horse. I didnt want to damage the horse as i am carrying my notebook today... So, alas.. But, never mind, she will be coming back next week and she will call me and i will give it to her... Seriously, I dont know if she will like this horse? or will she find it childish?

Oh well, I will just give it to her...

After i received the call, i just went to my god mama (PA) asking if i can take two hours time off.. She thought that i am going for interview. But, when she find out that i want to go back home to get that horse, She just scold me... Hai...
Well, i think i deserved to be scolded. But, it is ok... I dont mind..

Hmm.. Tonight she is going back to her hometown again. hmm, well, just give her a gd nitez sms before she enter malaysia. ;-)

Gd nitez... Sleep tight. :)

Strange without you

2007-04-30T22:57:00.000-07:00

Baby.... It is really strange without you yesterday in the office....

I dont know why the office was kind of quiet and when i pass by your table, i will start thinking of you. Even your table has changed. I just feel that it is no longer the same.
Where are you baby..?

When i was inside the conference room, i can picture you coming in through the door with your smiling face and a stack of document waiting for advice from the GM.

All are gone now and i know that it will never happen again.

Even when during lunch time, it is not the same anymore. When I ask them if they want any drinks, i felt that someone is missing.. And that is you baby.

How i hope that the damn HR will approve your PR and your low salary and so that you will start here longer.. and all these will not be happening.

Too late.

All colleague left

2007-04-29T07:41:00.000-07:00

Hai.. I must be too free to write this first blog.

All my close colleagues are leaving me one by one... I can blame nobody but the company management really suck..

I should feel gd for all those colleagues who left for a better job. But, deep in my heart i cant bear to see them go...

Last friday, it was one of my really close colleague last day at the company...

And now, it is only sunday. Shit man. I miss her already... I dont feel like going back to the company to face the table and place that she were before...

I also have nobody to talk to abt this. As all my friend will tell me that "It is part of life and the working life and it is gd that they got better job outside"

I dont want this answer. But, i really dont know wat else can i make myself to face this.

Iris, you are the first to see this. but, dont tell baby abt this... I brought her something really nice waiting for her to come back and hand it to her.. To make you jealous.. haha..